Emotional Intelligence is a term you should understand

The term emotional intelligence has gained widespread exposure in the last several decades, and these days it’s harder and harder to avoid.

The notion—which describes the ability of an individual to understand and manage her emotions to better solve problems, interact with others, and reduce stress—is increasingly pinpointed as encompassing skills essential to success in educational, business, and social spheres.

Because businesses and universities have begun testing for it

Two recent articles highlight the traction emotional intelligence (EQ) has established.

A 2012 column in Forbes, written by Glenn Llopis, links the concept with successful leadership, suggesting, “The bottom line is that leaders must be more emotionally intelligent to be more effective and efficient at maximizing outcomes and desired results.”

In a 2013 Business Insider article, meanwhile, Max Nisen writes about top business schools that now appraise an applicant’s “emotional intelligence quotient,” judging whether he evinces “traits like empathy and resilience that are correlated with future success.”

Nisen’s piece suggests that admissions staff at such institutions are taking their cues from real-world corporations, many of which emphasize the value of strong emotional intelligence in the workplace, and at the negotiating table. Furthermore, he writes, school applicants may be less able to “fudge” or overstate their emotional intelligence—gauged by queries more open-ended than black-and-white—than their grades or traditional skillsets.

The good news is, emotional intelligence can be learned

At Longacre, we believe the foundations of emotional intelligence—such as effective communication and the ability to harness your emotions—are skills to develop starting at a young age.

And if we’re right, it’s good news: emotional intelligence can be taught, practiced, and strengthened. Here, we foster an atmosphere conducive to this kind of learning.

And you can begin your education at Longacre

Together, our daily activities, evening meetings, and community-oriented environment provide rich opportunities for self-exploration: handling uncomfortable emotions, for example, and practicing compassion and forgiveness in your dealings with others.

Although emotional intelligence isn’t an easy characteristic to quantify, that’s just what more and more businesses and universities are attempting to do as they explore the correlation between EQ and leadership.

At Longacre, we present a series of opportunities to learn about one another and from one another, and thus begin a formal education in emotional intelligence.

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A recent story on NPR

A recent story by Sally Herships on NPR’s Marketplace Morning Report provides some more evidence—as if we needed it—of the intense pressure teens today face when it comes getting accepted to college.

Herships notes that the notion of “summer break” may be a bit of a misnomer these days, given how many high-school and even middle-school students are devoting much of it to rounding out their college applications. From studies abroad to community service (or overseas trips combining the two), these kids and their guardians are taking advantage of school-vacation months once synonymous with unstructured leisure or seasonal jobs to earn pocket change (and maybe pick up a life lesson or two in the process).

Says summertime is the next frontier for college prep

Herships quotes Jill Tipograph, an educational consultant who refers clients to Longacre, who observes that participating in study abroad and other college-oriented projects during the summer allows students to go beyond grades and increase their chances in the competitive world of college placement. Academic performance is now just one factor by which colleges appraise applicants, who are consequently seeking other venues through which to gain experience and separate themselves from the pack.

“What’s the other variable they have control over?” Tipograph asks in the piece. “The next time period is summer.”

Here at Longacre, we know there are a million options for students during the summertime. For those who choose to spend it with us, we do our best to operate in that stimulating frontier between character-building and open-ended fun, and strive to provide an environment where kids are motivated to try new things and take responsibility—all in the context of living in a community.

I hope they’re right, because we’re right on track

The four tenets Longacre emphasizes—decision-making, responsibility, passion, and communication—all have plenty of relevance to post-secondary education. After all, a successful college student tends to be a good decision-maker and communicator, and is responsible and passionate. Unsurprisingly, these are also characteristics that serve you well in the real world—simply as a human being living in the social and business spheres that compose our world.

We intend for the Longacre experience to prepare students for college. We also try to make it a rousing, memory-making adventure in and of itself.

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Journalist Richard Louv made a splash in 2005 with the publication of his book, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder, which argued that modern kids have become sorely, even dangerously, disconnected from firsthand experience with the natural world.

The idea, as Louv presented it, is that contemporary culture, with its overprotective parents—fearful of outdoor dangers, from rivers to wrongdoers—and obsession with technology, has led to a generation divorced from the pleasures, insights, and benefits available in the great outdoors.

As Louv argued, children who spend time in the woods, meadows and abandoned lots are healthier both physically and emotionally.

Nature deficit disorder has become a buzzword

As the issues Louv identified in his book have become more pronounced, “nature-deficit disorder” has become its own kind of buzzword, as Timothy Egan astutely noted in a 2012 New York Times column. Surveys suggest that children are spending less time outdoors engaged in physical activity, and more time sedentary and “virtually” engaged.

These behavioral patterns: Are they connected to the disturbing rates of obesity, heart disease, and other maladies associated with inadequate exercise?

Are they connected, further, to depression and neuroses? Although inherently tougher to quantify than the physical, the psychic-health aspect of nature-deficit disorder is an intriguing one. Still, it’s not hard to imagine that a girl who spends her time hiking, swimming or tending to horses will be in better shape than one devoting her downtime to surfing the Web.

And there’s a growing amount of empirical evidence that the emotional and spiritual nourishments of the great outdoors are prodigious. Here, we’re entering the realm of biophilia, a term coined by the venerable biologist and conservationist E.O. Wilson to describe the instinctual attraction human beings have to the natural world and our fellow organisms.

But we’ve been playing outdoors forever

Anyhow, what to do about nature-deficit disorder? As Egan points out in his Times piece, technology is an easy scapegoat—yet our smartphones, tablets, laptops, and television sets (those old-fashioned things) don’t force themselves upon us. Plus, such gadgetry is not going away anytime soon, and, indeed, makes possible many wonderful things. Children must learn how to use modern technology healthfully, with discretion—one reason why, here at Longacre, we now allow any and all devices.

As important as managing technology use, parents should consider whether their understandable protectiveness of kids doesn’t sometimes enter the realm of the needless—when it comes to allowing them to go out and interact with plants, animals, rocks, and soil, as young people have done for time out of mind.

And doing so is still as valuable as ever

Let’s accept, for a moment, Louv’s warnings, and also the basic tenets of biophilia. Rather than seeing the great outdoors as unfamiliar, threatening, uncomfortable territory, let’s remind ourselves that it’s as much our home as anywhere else.

Playing, socializing, seeking solitary reflection—even doing-nothing-in-particular—out in the breeze, the grasses, the deep woods: these are ancient human acts. Because they’re ancient, perhaps they’ve helped sustain us all these millennia—and perhaps they’re still as valuable as ever to cultivate.

-Longacre staff

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Teenage girl texting and driving

by Matthew Smith, Director, Longacre Leadership

Distracted Drivers Are Dangerous

My friend Meredith works in our House of Representatives in Harrisburg, in the office of State Rep. Kathy Watson.

Two years ago, Rep. Watson passed the biggest bill of her 12-year career, a bill aimed at reducing teenage traffic fatalities.

“Lacey’s Law”, named after a local girl killed in a driving accident, restricts the number of passengers a junior driver can have. Lacey was one of six unbelted teens in the SUV that crashed.

Pennsylvania State Representative Kathy Watson

As she was ushering the bill through the legislature, Rep. Watson referred to data from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, which reports that the chances of a 16-or 17-year-old dying in a crash increase 44 percent with one teenage passenger is in the car; the chances double with two teenage passengers are in the car; and they quadruple with three or more teenage passengers in the car.

Her point? Distracted drivers are dangerous.

These are some sobering statistics, especially when you consider that traffic crashes are the leading cause of death for teenagers in America.

It’s good to know our elected officials are on top of it.

“Don’t Text and Drive” Isn’t Working

But let’s not forget the role we as parents play, especially when it comes to the distraction that stems from texting and driving. Are we falling down on the job? Consider this: A recent study by AT&T reveals that adults text and drive at a higher rate than teens: 49% to 43%.

ATT Study via USA Today

Think teens don’t notice? Think again. As it turns out, they do notice, and it’s part of the reason the “Don’t Text and Drive” laws are so far ineffective.

But it’s not the only reason. The laws are proving difficult to enforce.

And, from my viewpoint, these laws have a marketing problem: “Don’t Text and Drive” tells teens what not to do, but it doesn’t tell them to do.

What Would Rick Pitino Do?

I’ll use an analogy from college basketball and Rick Pitino. Rick Pitino is the coach of the National Champion Louisville Cardinals. Pitino’s teams have always been famous for their defense.

All coaches talk about defense, but few have been as effective as Pitino. He explains: The key to coaching is giving clear instructions in the huddle. The reason that “play defense” doesn’t work (even though everyone knows what it means) is that it doesn’t tell players what to do—what action to take.

So, instead of telling his players to “play defense”, Coach Pitino tells them to “get deflections”. With that, the players jump into the passing lanes, tip opposing shots and dive for loose balls—i.e., they know exactly what to do and they play great defense as a result.

Rick Pitino, coach of the Louisville Cardinals

Telling teens “Don’t Text and Drive” is a lot like telling basketball players to “Play Defense”: it’s not clear enough.

If you don’t want your teen texting and driving, it looks like it’s up to you to make it happen, because many of your fellow citizens are modeling dangerous behavior; and the police, despite their good intentions, are struggling to enforce the laws. 

With Coach Pitino’s deflections in mind, brainstorm action steps with your kids.

“If you’re on the highway and need to text, take 30 seconds, find a safe place to pull over, and send your text. Can we agree on that?”

“If you’re on the strip and need to text, take 30 seconds, find a parking lot, and send your text. Can we agree on that?”

That way you’re asking for something reasonable (“30 seconds”) and giving them a concrete action to take (“pull over”).

Whatever you come up with, share it here, because April is distracted driving month at uKnowKids.

This article was originally published at uKnowKids. 

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A girl lies in the grass with her technology.

It’s not really a surprise that so many of us feel a bit whipsawed by technology these days. Things have changed so dramatically over the past several decades—and seemingly at an ever-increasing rate—that we’ve barely had time to get our bearings.

Especially for those who remember the days before widespread Internet and cellular access, it can be difficult to conceive of the world as we find it today: one where the staggering breadth of the virtual universe and the capability for near-limitless communication rest in the palm of our hand or our jacket pocket.

Technology Detox is Not the Answer

Some backlash to that virtual world and its ultra-connectivity is surely manifesting in the increasing number of technology-detox retreats, where participants are urged to “unplug” and rediscover a slower, more focused sense of calm amid the digital whirlwind.

That’s all well and good—if pursued with the right frame of mind and for the right reasons, anyway—but here at Longacre we’ve decided to take a different tack.

As much as parents might want their kids to spend less time gazing at a screen, we believe that smartphones, social media, and other young technologies are fundamental realities of the Information Age. For teens, it’s not all about unfocused time-wasting and relentless gossiping—it’s also about mastering essential tools and a fast-changing medium.

Give your Child the Skills to Manage

We’re no longer ok to artificially deprive students of their technological devices; that doesn’t prepare them to live and work in a global community more and more reliant on them.

Rather, we want to help teens develop greater self-awareness of how their relationship to their devices affects other people.

We call it our Technology Opportunity: a chance for kids to explore productive and balanced habits with regard to technology. It is a shift away from our former “No Devices” policy and an embrace of “Anything Goes.”

As you can read in our four-part explanation of the policy change, the “Anything Goes” approach has its risks—broken or lost devices (expensive devices), and social isolation via screen-staring.

The Joys of Interacting Face-to-Face

Yet dealing with the responsibility of powerful technological devices in the context of the hands-on social setting of Longacre represents an amazing educational opportunity. We truly believe that Longacre teenagers will discover the joys of interacting with each other and building a community—face-to-face, incorporating technology where appropriate but more often setting it aside for old-fashioned bonding.

That’s the goal, anyway, and after lots of discussion we think it’s a worthy and high-potential one. We aim to help teenagers develop the habits with which to healthfully and happily navigate their lives.

-Longacre staff

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This is the 4th part in a series about Longacre’s new technology policy, Anything Goes. You will find the other three parts here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Last time (Part 3) we presented four plans for this summer, and began to flesh out our strategy for success.

Today, we move onto our fifth and final plan: direct and open communication.

Direct and Open Communication

Longacre’s emphasis on direct and open communication separates us from other programs, which is why it gets its own post.

We expect our teenagers to discuss technology extensively this summer, in large part because typical device usage elicits strong reactions (as this conversation has demonstrated).

Stepping back for a moment, it has been our experience that adolescents are prone to indirect communication: facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.

Here, our teenagers are learning direct communication. They’re learning it through our modeling and through our coaching; in group meetings and one-on-one.

The group meetings are unique to Longacre (and our sister program, Visions Service Adventures). They happen four times a week for about 90 minutes or so. As anyone who’s been here will tell you, these meetings, with their formalized structure, are central to the Longacre experience, designed to encourage direct and open communication between our teenagers.

It’s practice for the real world, in a controlled environment, sort of like high school athletes practicing basketball, but instead of wind sprints and layup lines, our teenagers are finding their voice, recognizing others, learning to listen, and working through differences.

Participation in these meetings increases self-awareness. Here’s how.

Self-Awareness

In a room of 90 people, when only one person speaks at a time, you spend the vast majority of the time listening.

And it can be edifying to hear others reflect on the day. You learn that other people have feelings, that it’s not “weird” to have feelings. You learn new words for all these feelings. And all of this listening impels you to think about your own feelings.

By identifying feelings, you are learning more about who you are. You are increasing your self-awareness.

And we aim to increase self-awareness about device usage.

Device Usage

Standard technology usage is rife with indirect communication. And it therefore elicits lots of reactions. Inevitably, device usage will come up in our meetings.

Just talking about device usage will increase self-awareness. We can say this with confidence because we have seen it happen with lots of other things, like tone of voice, or pulling your weight, or messiness in the bunk.

A critic might say, “If you really want to educate your kids, just do it without all the technology. Show them what’s possible. Let them actually experience a technology-free environment.”

And while that’s a worthy mission, one which others will surely embrace, we’re not actually here to give our teenagers an experience. We’re here to give them a skill set—something they can take home.

Here’s an example.

“Just Because it Rings…”

Last time we brought up, “Just because it rings doesn’t mean you have to answer it.”

Truth is, it’s unlikely that hearing that from an adult will affect a teenager’s behavior.

But imagine this. The young man hears it a few times, and it sticks in his head. The next day, he’s in a good conversation with a friend. Her phone vibrates, she looks down, and her attention leaves him for a moment.

What runs through his head?

“Just because it rings doesn’t mean you have to answer it.”

On the other side of things (remember when he was the one reaching for the phone?) his reaction is a little different, isn’t it? The other side offers a different perspective.

If he decides to embark on that thought journey, the young man can develop his self-awareness, his sensitivity, and ultimately a new skill.

In Closing

A summer without technology, no matter how profound, does not prepare a teen for new behavior at home, or at school, or with friends.

If she wants to change her behavior, she must return with new language, new perspective, new sensitivity, new self-awareness, and new skills.

In our experience, in our three decades, we have found that teenagers are more responsive when their minds are open, which is why we encourage them to make decisions for themselves, make mistakes, and move forward at their own pace.

After recent summers facing the new technology reality, we were forced to look up, step back and take stock. It resulted in our new Anything Goes policy. Then, the attention in response pushed us to articulate how we plan to implement our new policy in the context of our philosophy. The bottom line is that, for us, this technology problem has morphed into a technology opportunity—a teaching opportunity—The Technology Opportunity. As it turns out, there is an enormous opportunity staring us right in the face. And we’re going to take it. Thanks for participating in this important conversation.

-Susan, Louise and Matt

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This is the 3rd part in a 4-part series about Longacre’s new technology policy, Anything Goes. You will find the other three parts here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 4.

This conversation is about our decision to allow technology at Longacre.

Last week, we closed saying we need to do a better job explaining (1) why, in the context of the farm, this is a smart decision, and (2) how we plan to be successful.

Although there’s a broader, education-related conversation to be had about teenagers and technology (“why this is a smart decision”) and it’s an interesting one, the pertinent questions right now are about “how we plan to be successful”; in this post we’ll stick to that, saving the broader conversation for later.

Expectations

We will present clear expectations for our teenagers (rules). The example we gave last week was no technology during activity periods.

We have three activity periods, morning, afternoon and evening. During these activity periods, there will be no talking on cell phones, no texting and no data. Cameras and music will be allowed only at the discretion of the individual staff person.

And the same thing goes for crew. There are no cooks or maintenance people here. Instead, we’re all on a crew, contributing to the community’s work on a rotating basis, a little bit every day. On crew, there will be no talking on cell phones, no texting and no data. Again, cameras and music will be allowed only at the discretion of the individual staff person.

At night, no devices after lights out. None. And that includes reading on the iPad, even for school.

The expectations above address about half the day, and they’re more or less straightforward. How to address the rest of the day is a little more complicated, but this is where our strengths lie.

Building on Longacre’s 38 years, we will employ the following: modeling appropriate behavior, educating, coaching, and teaching direct communication.

Let’s begin with modeling appropriate behavior.

Modeling Appropriate Behavior

Keep in mind, all of our staff, and all of our older teenagers, are on board with this—or will be by the time they arrive:

1. We employ 22 staff for our 72 kids (21 or older—average age last year was 27) and of these 22, none will be socializing on their devices. Using them for work? Sure. But not for socializing.
2. Our biggest teen leaders are the 5-8 returning kids in our Mentor Program. We call them our Mentor Kids or MKs. The MKs have signed up to push themselves, and we will expect them to avoid socializing on their devices in front of other kids.

So: the most influential people at Longacre, representing one third of the population, will be rowing in the same direction—modeling “device behavior” that is healthy, appropriate and socially considerate.

The value of modeling cannot be overstated. We are setting the example. We are developing a culture. We are establishing implicit expectations for community living.

Educating

We expect this new policy to generate some discussion amongst the kids. Conveniently, there’s a sub-genre of books that addresses the impact of technology on the brain and on our culture. We’ll introduce these left and right; make them available for all to read; arm our kids with knowledge to complement their experience.

And we have reason to believe our students will be receptive. Anecdotally, at least, teenagers are not unaware of the influence technology has on them.

Two books we can recommend already: The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr, and Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle. These and others will be floating around this summer.

Also, we plan to create some bywords. For example, imagine we’re in a conversation with a young man, maybe over lunch. His phone vibrates and on impulse he reaches for it. We might say, “Just because it rings doesn’t mean you have to answer it.” Not in a whiny, smug or judgmental voice, but rather in a tone of voice that’s informational. Conversational.

Tone of voice plays such an important role in education. We are constantly reminding our staff, “Remember, your delivery matters.”

We’ll create a few of these bywords and then do our best to make them stick.

Coaching

Like every summer program, we coach our kids. If we have to, we correct behaviors we don’t like, but mostly we look out for behaviors we do like—a student challenging herself, or helping someone, or making a responsible decision—and recognize her for it.

Having devices around will just give us more opportunities to recognize behaviors we like: group conversations, leaving devices in the bunk, or playing cards instead of video games. Teenagers respond to recognition. How often are they recognized for positive device behavior?

The fourth and final piece is direct communication, which is a big one, and it’s really at the heart of the Longacre experience. We’ll flesh this out in a post next week.

Thank you to everyone who’s written us so far about our new policy. We really appreciate it. It’s your feedback that’s moving this conversation forward. Again, you can always reach us at connect@longacre.com or on Facebook. Thanks for reading.

-Susan, Louise and Matt

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This is the 2nd part in a 4-part series about Longacre’s new technology policy, Anything Goes. You will find the other three parts here: Part 1, Part 3 and Part 4.

Three weeks ago, we announced our new technology policy, called Anything Goes.

We emailed it out, we posted it and tweeted it. It was forwarded and retweeted. Then it was posted to a Facebook group of 1,000 members called Summer Camp Professionals where a lively discussion ensued. Then Canadian Camping Association picked it up. Then Camp Business picked it up.

It’s fair to say we were surprised by the notoriety. Apparently the issue of technology-at-summer-camp is bigger than we thought.

In retrospect, the strong reaction was probably due, at least in part, to our delivery. We named the policy Anything Goes and then followed with this: “Smartphones, music players, tablets, e-readers, even laptops—they’re all fair game, all the time.”

If you don’t know Longacre, we can see how this might concern you, or seem inflammatory, or like capitulation.

But you’ve got to understand, Longacre Leadership is not a traditional summer program. We help our teenagers develop their skills for back home and for the future. To do this, we treat them like they’re young adults, giving them responsibility and independence.

So we can embrace this new policy in large part because it’s consistent with our philosophy. It just makes sense that they would get to keep their devices.

(Just to clarify something, when we wrote that devices will be “fair game, all the time”, we meant that devices could always be in the students’ possession. We did not mean that we expect our kids to spend the whole summer on their devices, constantly talking, texting each other, playing video games and watching YouTube. Yes, there will be rules—we will probably call them expectations—just like there are with anything else. And here’s an easy example: no devices during activity periods. We have three activity periods: morning, afternoon and evening. During these activity periods, there will be no talking, texting or data. Cameras and music will only be allowed at the discretion of the individual staff person. More on this later.)

While other summer programs with different goals may never adopt an open technology policy, the reality is, the time for us has come.

However, the message we got from the reaction to our announcement was, we need to do a better job of explaining things. We need to do a better job laying out 1) why this is a smart decision, and 2) how we plan to be successful. So, in the coming weeks, that’s what we’ll do.

Hopefully, you will continue to contribute to this important and topical conversation. You can always share your perspective with us (positive or negative) at connect@longacre.com or on our Facebook page. We hope to hear from you.

-Susan, Louise and Matt

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This is the 1st part in a 4-part series about Longacre’s new technology policy, Anything Goes. You will find the other three parts here: Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4.

This summer we will implement a new technology policy at Longacre Leadership. Without further ado … we proudly present, Anything Goes. Smartphones, music players, tablets, e-readers, even laptops—they’re all fair game, all the time. The era of No Devices is over.